ADHD with Lindsay Shelton

In this episode of Day in the Life, host Taylor Dorward speaks with Lindsay Shelton about ADHD, mental health, identity, masking, and what it means to build a life that works with—not against—your brain. Lindsay shares her experiences with ADHD, anxiety, depression, OCD, therapy, medication, community, and self-acceptance, while also discussing the tools and routines that help her navigate work, relationships, conferences, homeownership, and everyday life. The conversation offers an honest and personal look at neurodivergence, coping strategies, accessibility, and the importance of finding support systems that allow people to show up as themselves.

Transcript

Lindsay: 00:00

I say this because when I truly accepted myself for who I was as an asexual woman and as a neurodiverse woman, it became part of my identity because it helped me understand that my differences weren't something that I needed to hide anymore and that I needed to mask anymore. It was more something that I could find friends, and I did, that actually liked me for how I behaved normally. I was raised, my mom tried her best, but I was raised constantly being told, “You need to have a filter,” “You can't say that,” or, “This is not okay to say,” and “You need to be quieter,” “You need to talk less,” and all of these different corrections. It was in my early 30s when I really came to accept all of my diagnoses, not as just something that I struggled with, but something that instead defined what my personality is, and really, I think, why people like me, which was a real shift for me because it was always about how to make myself act more normal so that people would like me. Instead, ever since then, I'm 40 now, it's become, okay, I need to just find the right people, and I need to love myself for who I am, disabilities and all, because they make me interesting. They help me look at the world in a different way, and they help me educate other people on things that may be true for them too. I wouldn't be able to do any of that without embracing these things as part of my identity.

Taylor: 01:54

This podcast episode includes mature themes, strong language, or discussions that some listeners may find sensitive. Viewer discretion is advised. Welcome to the Day in the Life series on the Accessible Community Podcast, where we explore disability and accessibility in everyday life. Each podcast episode is a new lens to broaden our understanding and drive inclusion. For show notes, go to accessiblecommunity.org slash podcasts. Let's make accessibility part of everyday life. Hey everyone, and welcome to a new episode of Day in the Life, a series where we explore different disabilities and talk to real people living day to day with these disabilities in order to better understand them, raise awareness, and provide an opportunity for them to share their lived experience, and maybe by doing so, assist people navigating life with a similar disability. Today we're going to be talking again about ADHD, and I'm really excited to be talking with Lindsay. Before I get over to introduce her, a quick introduction for myself. I am the host for this podcast series, and my name is Taylor Dorward. I'm a Caucasian male with short brown hair, blue eyes, and a short-ish brown beard. It's getting a little too long. I probably have to trim it because Easter is coming up soon, but yeah, that's a bit about me. I'm wearing a teal-ish sort of shirt with a weird patterned button-up or button-down on top. Not entirely sure what kind of pattern this is, but if you can see it, you can figure it out. That's it about me. I'll turn it over now to my guest, Lindsay, and allow her to introduce herself.

Lindsay: 03:52

Hi, I'm Lindsay Shelton. I am a Caucasian female-identifying woman with brown, shoulder-length hair and glasses. I'm wearing a pink, florally, abstract-y sort of situation. That's what I look like. In terms of who I am, I'm from Kansas City, born and raised. Fun fact about me is I was a middle school teacher for 10 years before I got into the tech space. I taught eighth grade English for six years, and then intro to tech and intro to engineering for four years. That was an interesting chapter of my life. Now I am a Microsoft MVP in business applications and M365, and I work at a company called Epiq, which is a global legal services organization. What I do is I am in charge of internal adoption and training, primarily for M365, but it's branching out into some different areas because once you can train on one thing, you can train on lots of things. I was someone who really struggled to figure out who I was, and it really wasn't until my early 30s that I got comfortable in my own skin and figured those things out. Now I'm very out and open and proud about them. I'm asexual and aromantic. If you look at sexuality and romantic attraction as a spectrum, where being heteroromantic or heterosexual or homosexual or homoromantic, or any of, there's also demisexual, it's a whole thing. I could do a whole podcast just on this. Basically, I don't experience sexual attraction to other people, and I don't experience romantic attraction to other people. I'm that single cat lady aunt that you knew growing up, but I actually have a label for what I am. It's not that I don't want to date anyone; it's that I have no desire to date anyone. I feel like my life is very full with just my friends and my family. I am also neurospicy, I like to say, or neurodivergent. I was diagnosed first when I was 18, after a pretty rough patch, with persistent depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Then they threw in ADHD. They said, “Oh, and we're going to give you some Adderall,” when I was at my psychiatrist's office. I said, “Well, what do I need that for?” They said, “For your AD,” they called it ADD at the time. They said, “Oh, for your ADD.” I said, “I don't have that.” They just pointed to my foot, which was furiously bouncing in the meeting. I assume they had more diagnostic criteria, and I've since had to do an actual assessment. I passed, or failed, I guess, depending on how you want to look at it. So, yeah, I have ADHD as well. Then I decided I wasn't done collecting, and a couple of years ago, I was diagnosed with something called harm OCD, just to add to the mental health alphabet soup that is my identity. That's a specific kind of OCD that focuses on intrusive thoughts where it's like harming yourself or harming others. You're less likely, actually, than the average person to act on any of these thoughts. But it's just like you have the thought, “What if I just ran my car into oncoming traffic?” When it gets to the point that it intrudes in your life, that's what was happening in my brain a few years ago. I'm pretty much an open book about any and all parts of, if you couldn't tell, any and all parts of my identity. Another important part of my identity is that I'm a cat lady deep to my core. I can't believe I've gone this whole time without mentioning my two cats, Charlie and Trixie, because they are the closest thing to children that I need, and they are the lights of my life.

Taylor: 08:24

Well, that's awesome. Here on this podcast, we always love when someone's an open book. It makes for a very entertaining and illuminating interview, so we welcome that. You talked a little bit about identity. I'm curious, can you better describe how your diagnoses and your identity are related? Just explain that.

Lindsay: 08:48

I feel like I didn't have a real identity growing up other than drama queen and former gifted child. That's the former gifted child to ADHD adult diagnosis pipeline that I am part of, and that I have a lot of friends who are also part of. I couldn't really control my emotions very well or regulate my feelings very well. I suspect that I'm somewhere on the spectrum as well, so I had lots of sensory things growing up that caused me issues. I just was not happy for such a big chunk of my life. Then some personal tragedy occurred in my family. My father had a drug overdose and survived it. That was when my mom realized, okay, Lindsay has been acting erratic since before this happened, and her dad has not gotten proper help for his mental illness, or a diagnosis or diagnoses, more likely, his whole life. I don't want to repeat that same pattern with my daughter. It became a core part of my identity because it was during those formative years that I got diagnosed with most of my disabilities, or diagnoses, whatever you want to call them. Then I went through another rough patch where I was just not happy in my career and not happy in my life. College was just something I survived versus something I thrived in and really loved doing. It really wasn't until my early 30s, when I moved back to Kansas City. I was living in south central Kansas, teaching at a rural middle school, and that's where I could get a job due to the recession. It really became part of my identity because when I truly accepted myself for who I was as an asexual woman and as a neurodiverse woman, it helped me understand that my differences weren't something that I needed to hide anymore or mask anymore. It was more something that I could find friends, and I did, who actually liked me for how I behaved normally. I was raised, my mom tried her best, but I was raised constantly being told, “You need to have a filter,” “You can't say that,” or, “This is not okay to say,” and “You need to be quieter,” “You need to talk less,” and all of these different corrections. It was in my early 30s when I really came to accept all of my diagnoses, not as just something that I struggled with, but something that instead defined what my personality is, and really, I think, why people like me, which was a real shift for me because it was always about how to make myself act more normal so that people would like me. Instead, ever since then, I'm 40 now, it's become, okay, I need to just find the right people, and I need to love myself for who I am, disabilities and all, because they make me interesting. They help me look at the world in a different way, and they help me educate other people on things that may be true for them too. I wouldn't be able to do any of that without embracing these things as part of my identity.

Taylor: 13:01

That's really great. I think that's a common theme throughout these interviews: finding the right people. We'll talk about community and how important that is for a slew of reasons, primarily mental health. In terms of mental health, how has that process affected your mental health, getting those diagnoses? I know you mentioned masking, and I'd also love if you could define that and how it appeared for you in your day-to-day life, just to give additional context.

Lindsay: 13:39

Yeah, I might not be the best person to ask. I haven't done, admittedly, a ton of research on masking. We actually had a session today, an employee resource group on Autism Awareness Month for April, and people were talking about masking. I missed the first part of the meeting because I had a conflict, but they were talking about masking in the chat, and I was reading about it. It resonated with me a fair amount because, to me, or my interpretation of it, not the official definition by any means, is hiding those things about you that make you different, that are maybe a result of your mental health or diagnoses or neurodivergence or whatever, but trying to cover those things up in order to fit into what is “normal.” I'm doing air quotes here because there's no such thing as normal. There's the norm, but no real person is normal, I don't think. Who defines what is normal? For me right now, medication is a big part of it. For my particular diagnoses, it's just a chemical imbalance. It's like someone who's diabetic who needs insulin. That's how at least my doctors explained it to me. My brain is just going to be chemically imbalanced on its own without medication and help. That's not the case with everyone and with everyone with a diagnosis, of course. It is absolutely the case for me. For me, my “normal” is that right now my meds are all working, I have a good relationship with the people in my life, and I'm able to function at work and get through the day without having to rely on too many deep-breath breaks, breathing exercises, Xanax, or too many cat breaks. That's my normal, I guess. But that kind of meandered from your question too, I think.

Taylor: 15:50

No worries at all. What I liked about that was I did ask about the definition of masking, but more so what I wanted was your interpretation of it and how it presented in your life. I like that you didn't just read a definition that you've relayed before. I think that can be more impactful because, doing accessibility, I give the definition for accessibility a lot, but I think what people can gravitate more toward is something more genuine and authentic in interpretation. Thank you for giving your perspective on that. We talked a little bit about mental health, and I'm curious: did going through all of that and getting those diagnoses help your mental health, hurt it, or a little bit of both?

Lindsay: 16:54

We were talking about that today at work because, for some people, there are financial barriers to getting a diagnosis. I recognize that I have privilege, and I've had the privilege of being able to go get these diagnoses. I try to be cognizant and aware of that where I can. For me, my mental health really came in big waves in my early 20s, in my 20s and late teens, and there were a lot of struggles. But I think a lot of it was fighting things and still trying to listen to those voices in my head that were my mom telling me, my teachers, and my family telling me, “Oh, you shouldn't have said that. That was stupid. Now people are going to think you're this or this,” or, “Oh, you shouldn't have said that. That wasn't funny, and now people aren't going to think you're funny.” It was kind of quieting those voices a little more and instead realizing that my mental health doesn't have to be something that rules my life. It's an important part of my life, and some days it does rule my life because my meds are getting balanced and my chemicals get imbalanced, or I have stressors going on and I'm not managing those stressors well. I would say my mental health overall improved the most when I really accepted therapy. I think everyone in the world would benefit from therapy. Not weekly therapy all year for years, but I think everyone would benefit from at least some amount of therapy. I found a therapist I really liked and have worked with for a few years now. Actually, the time my mental health was the worst recently was when my therapist graduated me from therapy. We were talking about Love Is Blind in our session, and then she said, “Okay, so this is a good segue because we're talking about Love Is Blind currently during therapy.” I was like, “Well, yeah, but it's fun to talk about.” She said, “Yeah, but I'm wondering if you're not needing weekly therapy anymore. I'm wondering if you might be at a point in your life where biweekly or monthly, or even just text me if something comes up, would work.” I went with monthly, and I was proud of myself. I was like, “Oh my gosh, I graduated therapy.” Then I went into a spiral. I went into a three- or four-day anxiety spiral where I was like, “I can't graduate therapy. What's wrong with me? There are so many things wrong with me.” I'm in a good place today, and I sound very positive today. That's not to say that I'm always in a positive place or that whoever's listening always needs to be in a positive place, because that's just not what life is. Sometimes unexpected things can send you down weird mental health rabbit holes. It was my mom who helped me realize the timing of why I was having the anxiety. I was like, “Mom, I don't know why I'm so anxious.” She said, “Well, I can tell you when it started.” I guess the other thing I like to say about mental health is that it's ultimately my responsibility. I have people in my life who will check in with me and help me realize maybe when I need to go to my psychiatrist or my therapist and check in. But ultimately, I have built a really good life for myself because I've been brave enough, and lucky enough financially, to afford having a psychiatrist and having a therapist and utilizing those tools when I need them.

Taylor: 21:13

Yeah, as an accessibility, disability, and inclusion advocate, that's something I'll hear about a lot. It's really fascinating because, as of right now, there are around 1.3 billion people in the world who are confirmed to have a disability.

Lindsay: 21:31

Oh wow.

Taylor: 21:32

There are so many people out there who don't have access to health care to be able to get diagnosed and get the assistance they need, so that number could be even much higher. I think it's really interesting, and I like that you pointed out how we should appreciate that we have the privilege to get the help we need and get the diagnosis and accommodations because that's something a lot of people all over the world unfortunately just don't have access to.

Lindsay: 22:05

Well, even if people do have access, if they don't have the right family structure or the right supports in place, that was the case for generations in my family. There wasn't awareness of mental health, mental health stigma was in place, and people were afraid to ask for help. Then, for at least my dad, it turned to using and abusing substances in order to try to self-medicate. He had the same privileges that I had. He had health insurance, and he had my mom in his life. So even if you have all of these things, it's still hard to take the steps that you need in order to take care of your mental health. Anyone out there who's struggling right now, know that you're not alone, and that it's worth it to try and work through it and come out on the other side because right now I'm living my best life.

Taylor: 23:15

That's something great for people to take away. I hate to put a damper in the rhythm, but my eyes are really starting to bother me. I misplaced my Roseland glasses. Do you mind if we take a quick break and I look for them?

Lindsay: 23:33

Sure. Yeah, no worries.

Taylor: 23:36

All right, quick commercial break from daylight. Right back.

Lindsay: 23:40

Okay.

Taylor: 23:41

I found them. All right. That's so much better. I totally forgot I didn't have them on, and when I turned on all the studio lights, I have four lights on me right now. After a while, I'm blinking five times a second. I had to call it.

Lindsay: 24:01

It's important to be able to advocate for yourself and take care of yourself. Yeah, and welcome back from the commercial break.

Taylor: 24:11

All right, so I would love to go back. You talked a little bit about your work, and I'd love to learn a little bit more about it. I haven't met you before this, so I myself would like to learn more as well, especially since you said you do some training, which is an area I'm really interested in. Can you tell us more about what you do?

Lindsay: 24:34

Yeah, it was actually a job that I applied for and didn't get that led me to my current job. I had applied for a Power Platform developer job, and I really wasn't fully qualified for it, but I was looking to do something. My previous organization was not getting as Microsoft-focused, and I wanted to keep my focus in that ecosystem. I found this position, and then I was recommended by the person I interviewed with to my boss. He said, “Hey, this digital workplace advisor role that you're hiring for, I know the perfect person for it.” He referred me, and I had a cursory interview, but I had the glowing recommendation. I would say that 60 to 70 percent of my job is Copilot, M365 Copilot, and dealing with licenses and Copilot adoption. It was actually interesting. My first day of work, my boss ended up having to be hospitalized. This was a new role that he had created, so there was really no one to give me direction, which obviously wasn't his fault. It's become a running joke between us now that he was a slacker on my first day of work. I had to be very self-directed and self-motivated. I don't have any formal change management background. I do have formal training education, but not in the Microsoft 365 ecosystem. That's just what I went to college for. So, yeah, it's part adoption. It's trying to get licenses into the hands of people and also get them figuring out, “Hey, you're using this external tool when you could be using this M365 tool that we already pay for,” because I hate paying for extra things. It's just a personal pet peeve of mine when we have something that will do the same job. Some of it's adoption and awareness, and then some of it is training. I have some trainings that I have already built out, and I have some that are more informal where a group will come to me and say, “Here are use cases for Copilot or Power Automate,” or whatever our business scenario is, and then I will customize a training toward helping that particular business unit out. Every day is different, and I get to work with a lot of great power users. I also run a Copilot champions program. It's just a bunch of other nerds and myself as chief nerd being dorky. Yes, well, it's not in Workday as my official title, but it should be. I'm waiting, angling for a promotion to chief nerd. There are some pretty nerdy people on my team, so I might have some competition. Chief Copilot Nerd is what my title should be, I guess. It's great. We meet weekly and dork out about the latest changes in Copilot and share things with each other. It's very collaborative, and I get to just help people every day, which is really fulfilling. Not every day is wine and roses. There are some days that are more frustrating than others, and days where all I feel like I got were complaints about Copilot that I didn't know how to fix because I'm not an engineer with Microsoft. But then I feel like most days, if I can help just one person, it was worth it.

Taylor: 28:42

Well, that's awesome. It's great when you can find a job you enjoy, but also get to help people at the same time. That's great. And teaching?

Lindsay: 28:53

Yeah, teaching. I wish I could say I was noble enough for that to have been my lifelong calling, but it wasn't the students who were the problem, really. I mean, it was some of the students, but it was the administration and the parents who put a lot more pressure on me and had unrealistic expectations and just made things really difficult on any teacher who's still teaching, not to mention just financially. It's a tough career to be in. I still have a lot of respect for anyone who is able to go and enrich the lives of our youths, but now I'm just enriching the lives of a bunch of adults.

Taylor: 29:36

Yeah, I'm sure it's still quite rewarding. That's cool.

Lindsay: 30:13

Yeah, some more cool than others, but yeah.

Taylor: 30:17

Yeah, Copilot is Microsoft's AI. I'm curious, and you said you do a lot of work with the licensing, but for personal use, does Copilot, or really any other AI, help you in the day-to-day on a work basis?

Lindsay: 30:35

Oh, yeah. I use it on a work and personal basis daily. A recent example of using AI personally: don't tell anyone, but I use ChatGPT sometimes too. I just bought a house recently, and that means there are tons of dense documents to go through. With ADHD and a busy job, I'm like, this is not something I'm going to be able to concentrate on. Even if I understand all the legalese, I don't have the time or mental energy to go through these. What I did was create a notebook in ChatGPT, which you can do in Copilot as well, and said, “Okay, I'm buying a house. These are the documents relevant to the transaction.” I uploaded a bunch of different resources and all the documentation associated with it, including things like working with contractors and trying to figure out flooring, shutters, and quotes on those things. I basically created my own expert on my house. I was able to ask it and feed it these contracts and say, “Is there anything?” One example is the HOA, the homeowners association, had a very dense document. I was expecting something a lot easier to read. I was trying to say, “Okay, are there any provisions of this that are abnormal or something that I should pay attention to?” Then it pointed out, “Yeah, your HOA fee is pretty high, and this is kind of a weird clause, and this is kind of a weird clause.” Then I was able to say, “Okay, but for a new build in Lenexa, Kansas, is this a normal thing for an HOA to require?” It said, “Oh, yeah, absolutely. You're not going to be able to get around all of this, basically.” It's not out of the realm once I gave it more context and taught it more, because it can't read my mind yet. Once I gave it more context, it was very helpful. I also have what I say is goldfish brain. I don't know what diagnosis that's related to, but I just have terrible memory. It's like Dory in Finding Nemo. That's about how good my memory is. It was also really helpful to just be able to say, “Oh wait, how much did I pay for this? Which contractors am I still working with?” and help me just keep track of all the moving pieces.

Taylor: 33:32

Yeah. I use Copilot a lot for personal and work stuff, and it can be incredibly helpful, and ChatGPT. If you want, we can edit that part out so Microsoft doesn't know Lindsay is using what?

Lindsay: 33:48

Well, it's just because I didn't want to put personal documentation into my work Copilot. I think it's my responsibility to understand the marketplace and the tools that are out there. I certainly have plenty of users coming to me and saying, “Why can't we just use ChatGPT?” No, we can leave it in, and at the end of the day, my heart belongs to Copilot. But yeah, I use other tools sometimes.

Taylor: 34:23

Yeah, I get that. Coming from the Microsoft ecosystem, I tend to lean toward Copilot where I can, but I've learned over the years that some are better for some situations. It's good to use a blend of both, even though publicly you might say it's Copilot or nothing.

Lindsay: 34:46

Yeah. Well, Copilot's great at work because, with my goldfish brain, it uses work IQ and grounds things in my work, in my emails, documents, and calendar. It's very helpful in saying, “Who is this person? What have I talked to them about before?” We have a 30-day retention policy on our Teams messages, so I can't look back at my old messages and see what I talked to someone about. I have to rely on Copilot to scour my emails and what else it can find and say, “Oh yeah, you helped this person on this project six months ago, and they're just now coming back to you about it,” which happens all the time.

Taylor: 35:36

Yeah, it can be incredibly helpful for a lot of different stuff like that. I get the memory issues as well. I actually used to have what you're describing. It's called anterograde amnesia, so the ability to form new memories. That's like what Dory has from Finding Nemo. I don't have it anymore, thankfully. I'm able to retain things a little bit better. But having Copilot and ChatGPT, I can go in my Outlook email and search and say, “Hey, what was my last correspondence with this person? Where did we leave off?” It can be so much easier to manage my personal contracts and other jobs. It can make it so much easier for me as a blind individual, but really just anyone in general, and can make them much more efficient.

Lindsay: 36:38

Yeah, absolutely.

Taylor: 36:41

So I would love to learn a little bit more about you, moving away from the work side. Do you have any hobbies or interests outside of work?

Lindsay: 36:51

My main hobby is fairly superficial, but it's really watching Bravo reality television. I'm really into not just Bravo. I have my prestige television shows and also my Grey's Anatomy that I still watch, 23 seasons later, I think. But I just love television. For me, that's how my brain turns off at the end of the day. I'm able to zone out and veg out, but also really be entertained by all of these shenanigans that are going on on my screen. It's been really nice because my sister will watch the shows as well, and it's become what we bond over. We're messaging daily about, “Oh my gosh, did you hear about Amanda and West?” and “Did you hear this new news about this scandal that's going on?” It's brought my sister and me closer together. My mom was saying just the other day, “I never thought I would be thankful for Bravo television,” but I can fully say I'm thankful for it because I know that it has helped create a good dialogue between my sister and me.

Taylor: 38:07

Nice. I understand that because, for me, I actually saw a study recently. I wish I knew the source, but they were talking about people living with autism, and they have certain shows that they like to rewatch over and over again.

Lindsay: 38:26

Like a comfort show.

Taylor: 38:27

Yeah, I think they called it something like that, or like a safety show, where they know what's going to happen. It allows them to self-regulate so they don't have that anxiety. Even if it's a drama show, if they've seen it before, they know what's going to happen, so it doesn't trigger the anxiety as much.

Lindsay: 38:51

That's very interesting. Now that you're saying that, just reflecting back, that's how I fall asleep. I listen to podcasts that are recapping the Bravo reality television shows because I know what they're going to say, because I already know what happened because I watched the show. But it's soothing to me. At least it's entertaining if I can't sleep, and it does calm my anxiety because I know what comes next, and I'm able to relax and fall asleep. So, yeah, even more clues that I might have a new diagnosis of some kind.

Taylor: 39:29

Yeah, but after I, I forget if I probably didn't read it since I'm blind; I listened to it with my screen reader, or maybe it was a video. Either way, after I watched it, I started to realize, is that why I only watch the same shows? There are like five shows that I rewatch every single year, and same with movies, like the Harry Potter series. I rewatch that at least twice a year, and The Office is another big one. I rewatch that 20, 30 times a year. I just started rewatching the TV show Psych, one of my favorites. Hearing this study reiterated something I've learned over and over again, especially during this podcast: even though it was focused on people living with autism, I found a lot of similarity as someone with blindness, because a lot of these accessibility topics and disability topics can be really universal. It's just really interesting to learn the psychology and explain why I do what I do. It's interesting to learn about.

Lindsay: 40:51

Absolutely, yeah. I'd be interested in seeing that study if you trip over it again.

Taylor: 40:58

Yeah, if I manage to find it, I'll definitely put it in the show notes.

Lindsay: 41:03

We'll see.

Taylor: 41:06

Finding things is not my strong suit.

Lindsay: 41:09

You need Copilot. You just need to ask Copilot.

Taylor: 41:12

Yeah, that's very true. Great use of AI.

Lindsay: 41:16

Yeah.

Taylor: 41:17

So do you have any other hobbies, any other interests?

Lindsay: 41:22

I love getting to spend time with my friends. Lately, my hobby has been homeownership, decorating my house and filling up the rooms. I just had a housewarming party on Saturday, and that was a little overstimulating, but great overall. It was great to see my friends and family all in the same place, and all these people from my different friend groups and family groups mingling together and having conversations. Now that that's settling down a little bit, the other thing that I do that takes up a lot of my time is I speak at conferences. I speak internationally at conferences, or have spoken internationally at conferences, Microsoft community conferences. Even though it's work, it's also become fun for me. I've got a ton of friends in the Microsoft community. I'm actually traveling in two weeks to Orlando to speak at a conference, and we're turning it into a whole thing. We're going to Epic Universe the day before the conference, then going to the conference, and I'll be speaking there. Then I'm going with my good friend Angela on a cruise from the conference. We're just going to leave and go on a weekend cruise. I like traveling, but I like traveling also to these community conferences because I've got a built-in group of friends. That can be one of the hard things about being single, not having a partner to travel with. It's kind of nice having built-in people to go visit in a bunch of different places.

Taylor: 43:19

That's cool. I also go to some of those Microsoft community conferences. I'm curious, when you're at these conferences, does your ADHD or any of your other disabilities affect the way you interact, or how does it affect your mental health before, during, or after?

Lindsay: 43:41

Yeah, we talked about this a little before we started recording, but I am an introverted extrovert. Anyone who talks to me is like, “Oh, she's an extrovert,” but I recharge by being alone and having silent time or quiet time, or just time with my music and my cats. I definitely have conference crashes, I would say, and I'm kind of running on fumes by the end of a conference. I don't always sleep very well when I'm traveling, partially because I'm not in my own bed with my weighted blanket, electric blanket, and fan. Actually, I have a travel fan, a travel oscillating fan, that is pretty big, but I will travel with it, and I try to travel with a weighted lap pad just to try to give me the weighted blanket experience and help with my sleep because I have lots of sleep issues. It's like I can turn on that version of Lindsay for a three-to-five-day period, and then I need to just totally crash and not talk to anyone for three to four days because I'm in recovery mode from the conference. But it sounds negative when I put it like that. My cup is also very full when I come home from the conferences too, because I get to see my friends and make new friends. When I was in Vancouver for a conference a couple of weeks ago, I made new friends left and right. I rode with a new friend from the community for an hour-and-a-half-long drive from the airport to our hotel. Then we went out to lunch with a third person that I hadn't met before and had a great conversation. Then I told everyone in the group chat that I had forgotten my shoes because I was wearing my house slippers and left the house and didn't realize until I was halfway to the airport that I was still in my house slippers, so I didn't have my tennis shoes. I was like, “Anyone want to go shoe shopping?” There was a couple who were like, “Yeah, we're going shoe shopping with you.” Just all these silly adventures and new friendships and new connections that I get to make and connections I get to nurture. I can't speak highly enough of the Microsoft community and the opportunities that I've gotten through it.

Taylor: 46:16

Yeah, I get that, and I share that same sentiment for that community. It can be incredibly supportive, and there are a lot of great people. We've been lucky to have some of those folks on the podcast as well, and it's been a lot of fun chatting with all of them. As you probably remember from earlier on, the name of the podcast series is Day in the Life. Could you walk us through a typical day for Lindsay?

Lindsay: 46:49

It starts at about 6:30 or 6:45 in the morning. As I've gotten older, I've become more of a morning person. Lately, I have been sleeping to my alarm, but I have some mornings where I'm up at five or six, especially when I was moving, I think because my anxiety was so heightened and I felt like I had so much to do. I kept waking up at five in the morning, and then I'm like, “Well, I guess I'll go pack,” or, “I'll go unpack.” I have a very careful morning routine, partially because of the OCD and partially because of my cat, Charlie. Charlie is very food motivated and really gets excited about getting to eat. He will wake me up in the morning with paws on my face and gnawing on my hands. I worked with his veterinarian, and she was like, “Okay, you've got to do a few things before you feed him in the morning so that he knows it's not an immediate cause and effect. He wakes you up, you get out of bed, and feed him.” So I'll go and take my meds, wash my face, and brush my teeth, and then it's time to feed the cats. Got to feed the cats, even though they have dry food, but they love their wet food that they get once a day. That's what he's so motivated about, getting his wet food treat. Lately, my routine has been to sit at my kitchen island and listen to music. I have this app called Finch, and my bird in the app is called Pinky, that I've been using lately and highly recommend. It's been really helping me for tasks like, okay, I need to walk outside of the house at least once a day, I need to stand up for 10 seconds, I need to take a stretch break, I need to drink water, and it's got these tasks. I'll sit there and start knocking off some of my tasks while I'm eating breakfast. I am lucky enough to work from home 95 percent of the time, so I will just stroll into my office around eight and be in meetings, or take little breaks with my cats, or go into hyperfixation mode. I try to clock out by five every day. I've been trying to be better about taking a lunch and taking a walk, but I haven't really been doing that. That's a goal of mine. I need to put it in the app, probably in my little Finch app, and then I'll take a walk more. Then it's like three or four hours of Bravo reality television or prestige television, like The Testaments just came out, and that was really great, or The Pitt, which I'm really into. I'll watch my shows and then go to bed by like nine o'clock because I wake up early and it takes a lot of sleep to get me going.

Taylor: 49:54

Yeah, I get that. I have insomnia, so it's good if I get, if I'm aiming to go to sleep at 10 p.m., then it's good if I'm in bed by 8:30 so my mind can calm down for the day.

Lindsay: 50:11

Exactly, yeah. It takes some work.

Taylor: 50:15

Yeah, and your cat Charlie reminds me of my dog Maverick over there sleeping right now. His bed is right next to mine, and he'll wake up at 7 a.m. and lick my face because he wants to go out. I think I might start doing what your vet recommended and use my morning routine, like my face-wash routine and taking my medicine, before I take him out and give him food.

Lindsay: 50:48

Yeah, it's helped a little bit. He's still very active in the mornings, but he'll be a little more cuddly versus aggressive, so it's helped somewhat.

Taylor: 50:58

Yeah, and I don't want to program him to completely stop because, on one hand, it can be a little annoying, but also he keeps me accountable. If he's not there, I might sleep until nine now. I don't know. We'll see how it goes. All right, so you talked a little bit about watching reality TV shows and how they can help you regulate. Do you have any other coping strategies to help regulate yourself or deal with stress or anxiety? For me, it's something as simple as my little stress ball here.

Lindsay: 51:40

I've got this fidget that makes cool noises, and this fidget that lights up and makes cool noises. I've got fidgets galore around me. I've got another little stress ball here and a fidget spinner I confiscated from a kid. That'll be a good first line of defense. Sometimes it's literally just to go stick my face in one of my cats or both of my cats. They like to sleep on my bed during the day, so I'll go to my room and just stick my face in my cats and pet them for a couple minutes and take some deep breaths. Sometimes it's this little sloth that I don't use as much as I should, but it helps with guided breathing, like the four in, four out or eight in, or obviously I don't use it enough, but I got it for Christmas, and it looks cute on my desk. If I'm really struggling with anxiety, I'll try to do some guided breathing through the sloth or through an app. I struggled for a lot of years with not wanting to use Xanax because that's something that my dad used and abused, so I had a negative connotation with it. Then my doctor finally talked me into trying it, and it doesn't make me feel high or zoned out. It just helps take the edge off when I'm feeling really anxious. Sometimes I'll just go take my rescue medication that I'm prescribed to take, take it as I'm prescribed it, and use that to help me as well because it's a tool in the tool belt that some people have. It's hard not to be ashamed to use it sometimes, but sometimes you don't need to white-knuckle it through life. That helps me.

Taylor: 53:42

Awesome. I love this topic. It's one topic I always try to make sure we talk about because anyone listening, for example, if someone's listening who also has ADHD or something else you also have, you providing these strategies that worked for you could help them if they may not know of them or may have never tried them before. It's always nice to have people like you share what you're going through and what helps you in certain situations, like taking time to cool down after conferences or any other high-intensity social networking event. That's always really nice to hear.

Lindsay: 54:26

Yeah, I overshare partially because I don't know any other way to live life, and partially because I hope that it'll help other people.

Taylor: 54:39

Love that. As I said, we always welcome oversharing here. I feel like we're doing pretty good on time, but to wrap it up, I would love to hear from you one last time. If there were one or two things you would hope someone listening with ADHD will leave with, what would those one or two things be? I know it's a loaded question.

Lindsay: 55:07

It's a good question. I also don't know that my ADHD is necessarily the diagnosis that I feel like I identify myself the most with, so I feel kind of weird speaking for the community. Maybe that's just imposter syndrome, or because I learned to mask it for so long and use coping strategies that worked for me fairly well without realizing that I had it for most of my academic career. But I would say, use the tools in your tool belt. Build up a tool belt if you don't have one, of different things like the Finch app, stress balls, or going and sticking your head in a cat. Use the tools that can help you, and then resources like a therapist, a close trusted friend, or maybe a psychiatrist, if you can afford that and that makes sense for your disability. Have those be additional tools in your tool belt so that you can live life without having to just struggle every single day because there are ways to live life without needing to do that. That doesn't mean you're not going to struggle sometimes, but you can get to a point in your life, and I think everyone can get to a point in their life, where they're having more good days than bad days, they're having fewer struggles, and they can reap the benefits of putting in what can be hard work and scary work. Putting yourself out there is hard for some people, not for some of us, but for some people it is. Just know that it's worth it, and also that people do want you to be happy and want you to do well in life. There are people out there who care, and maybe they can't do it all for you, but they can help lift you up when you need a hand.

Taylor: 57:32

Yeah, I think that's a great thing to leave people with because I know a lot of people can be hesitant to reach out and ask for assistance. Personally, I have found it has helped me in so many ways, physically and navigating environments, and mentally, like dealing with stress and anxiety and dealing with new situations. I think that's great for you to point out, just reaching out and having people to rely on when you really need that kind of assistance, whether it be a quick phone call or just bouncing ideas off someone.

Lindsay: 58:12

Yeah, absolutely.

Taylor: 58:15

All right. Well, thank you, Lindsay, so much for joining us on Day in the Life. I really appreciate all the insights you shared, and it's been really illuminating because ADHD is one of the most widely known disabilities, but I feel like, for that reason, it's also one of the most misrepresented and misunderstood. I appreciate you sharing your perspective and what ADHD looks like to you and what your journey has been like.

Lindsay: 58:45

Yeah, absolutely. It was a pleasure, and thank you for having me.

Taylor: 58:49

Yeah, absolutely. All right. Well, thank you so much, and thank you everyone for listening and/or watching. We look forward to seeing you all next time for another episode of Day in the Life. Thank you all. Thanks. Thank you all for joining us while we explore accessibility and disability. If you enjoyed this podcast, check out more episodes and show notes at accessiblecommunity.org slash podcasts. Remember, be accessible, be inclusive.